Tips for Facilitating Difficult Conversations
Building a campus where everyone can contribute to important conversations requires intentionality. Here are actionable tips to navigate difficult conversations for our IU-B community.
Approach the Conversation with Genuine Curiosity: Enter conversations with the goal of understanding another person’s perspective, not trying to win or prove them wrong. Frame conversations as an opportunity to learn rather than to argue. Ask questions like: “Can you help me understand how you arrived at that conclusion?” or “What experiences have shaped your view on this?” This does not mean abandoning your own position; it means seeking to understand their position before responding accordingly. This creates space for dialogue rather than debate.
Practice Active Listening: People sometimes listen while simultaneously preparing a counterargument. This makes it difficult to build understanding across differences. Try listening actively until the other person finishes, then pause for a few seconds, and summarize what you heard before sharing your thoughts. Active listening is an empathy tool, which makes people feel seen and heard, reduces defensiveness, and makes communication more open.5, 6
Acknowledge Valid Points. You do not need to accept an entire argument to recognize elements of truth in it, or develop valid concerns with the argument. Acknowledging these points builds trust and demonstrates that you are a thoughtful listener. Saying something like “I hadn’t considered that aspect of the problem” or “I hadn’t considered that perspective before” strengthens the dialogue by showing your intellectual honesty and humility.
Separate People from Positions: To ensure mutual respect, it is essential to separate people from the position they take in a conversation. Learning how to respect someone while disagreeing with their viewpoint reduces emotional tension. Focus on the point the person is making rather than attacking or defending the person. Use language like “I have my reservations about that story because…” instead of saying “You can’t be right about that.” This keeps conversations focused on the substance and is less likely to trigger conflict.
Find Shared Values: When perspectives differ, common values such as fairness and student success can anchor conversations. Even for difficult conversations, there are usually underlying values that can unite people with divergent views. When having difficult conversations, identify common ground that can lead to productive dialogue. An example is faculty debating curricula changes who may disagree about teaching methods but may agree on the goal of improving student learning. Conversations that highlight shared values are likely to end in productive outcomes.
Know When to Pause or Walk Away: Some difficult conversations may not be resolved in one sitting. When a conversation has become unproductive, suggest taking a break and continuing the conversation later. You can say, “I think we need to reflect on this. Can we continue this conversation later?” Taking breaks allows emotional tension to diffuse and leads to more thoughtful engagements in the future.
Building a common ground for our IU-B community does not mean everyone must have the same perspectives; it means creating a community where diverse perspectives can be shared and discussed in ways that strengthen us, build trust, and help us to learn. The ability to navigate difficult conversations is fundamental to the academic mission of testing ideas, challenging assumptions, and pursuing truth through rigorous inquiry. By practicing curiosity, empathy, and accountability, we transform difficult conversations into opportunities for growth, connection, and lasting change in our community.
