The Weight of Strength: Unpacking & Rethinking What It Means to Be a Man

Masculinity influences how individuals understand themselves, relate to others, and navigate life. Though not intentionally harmful, traditional norms round independence, emotional control, and success can create emotional strain, especially in high-pressure settings like universities and other workplaces. This edition of Community Tips explores how traditional masculine norms influence men and women in the workplace. When not understood, they can create emotional strain and emotional disconnect. We then highlight ways that rethinking masculinity can foster healthier identities, relationships, and a more connected campus community.

Why Talk About Masculinity?

Masculinity is a powerful social force that shapes daily interactions at work, school, and home. These norms influence everyone, even those who do not identify as men, as masculinity is a social and cultural system, not just an individual trait. ¹ This discussion isn’t about blaming men or claiming masculinity is inherently harmful. Instead, it is to raise awareness that many people are navigating social “rules” they did not choose yet are expected to follow. Researchers explain that masculinity discourages emotional awareness and vulnerability, causing restriction of emotional connection and expression. ² By acknowledging and possibly revising these rules, masculine norms can evolve into something that allows men to be vulnerable, caring, and loving, while still feeling strong.

Learning Masculinity as an Identity

From an early age, boys are taught consistent messages about manhood from family, coaches, peers, and media. Phrases like, “big boys don’t cry,” “handle it on your own,” and “be tough,” are common to hear. Researchers note that emotional suppression or the “assault” on the emotions of boys begins at birth. 2 These messages communicate that emotional control and self-reliance are key in maintaining one’s masculine identity.  

Research on masculinity between the 1930s and 1980s was dominated by a theoretical framework called the Gender Role Identity Paradigm (GRIP), with the key idea that gendered norms become internalized as part of one’s identity. Although GRIP was particularly dominant during this time, its influence continues to shape modern understandings of masculinity. 1 Central to this paradigm was the assumption that individuals have a need to form a gender role identity that aligns with their biological sex and that healthy personality development depended on this. As a result, this paradigm suggests that masculinity is not only something men do in response to social expectations but is something many men come to believe is a key feature of their sense of self 1. Under GRIP, through time, traits like emotional control, toughness, independence, and stoicism are no longer seen by men as societal expectations but are seen as benchmarks for their own value and identity. This framework emphasized that masculinity is an identity standard that shapes how men evaluate themselves and interpret their own emotions, behaviors, and struggles. 1  

Masculine identity formation often occurs in environments where boys and men are met with exclusion or correction when they act out of traditional masculine norm. 1 These responses teach boys that acceptance depends on aligning with expected masculine behaviors, making conformity feel necessary for social survival. Consequently, traits like vulnerability and dependence are not just discouraged but many men see them as threats to their identity as a man. 

This early conditioning creates a double challenge for men who want to change. When masculinity becomes central to one’s identity, questioning these norms can feel even more threatening. Because masculinity is so closely tied to identity, following masculine expectations feels necessary to preserve one’s sense of self. 1 2 Furthermore, because emotional suppression and avoidance are also masculine traits, men often react to questions about masculinity by retreating and isolating. Finally, instead of being seen as a social issue or restrictive, men may view critiques of masculinity as attacks on who they are. 1 

Recent research has argued for a shift in thinking about GRIP by highlighting its harmful effects on men and women. 3 Studies have proven that GRIP puts a strain or burden on men’s wellbeing, but most men still follow this paradigm, due to societal expectations and pressure that have been ingrained by this thinking. 7 

When Strength Becomes a Burden: Understanding Gender Role Strain

Another paradigm for understanding masculinity is the Gender Role Strain Paradigm (GRSP), which argues that traditional masculine norms create strain when men are socialized to meet standards that are too rigid or unrealistic. ³  These strains occur in three main ways:¹  

• Discrepancy strain: failing to live up to dominant ideals of masculinity. 
• Dysfunctional strain: harm caused by conforming to masculine norms, like avoiding help. 
• Trauma strain: psychological harm from being shamed for showing vulnerability or not conforming to masculine norms. 

It is important to note that these strains are predictable outcomes of socialization, rather than problems with the individual. ¹ Masculine norms prioritize strength and independence; however, these traits conflict with human needs for social and emotional connection, expression, and support. ¹ This results in cases of men internalizing problems and continuing to “perform.” ^1 3  When men internalize their emotions, for fear of displaying weakness and to instead push the narrative of appearing strong and resilient, they are unlikely to seek help and support, which ultimately leads to isolation. ² This paradigm can be especially common in academic and campus settings where competition, self-sufficiency, and stress can increase masculine strain. As these pressures stack, they begin to shape not only how men view themselves but how they relate to others, creating patterns of emotional restriction and disconnect that go beyond internal strain.  

Masculinity as Armor: Gender Role Conflict & Isolation

Building on GRSP is the Gender Role Conflict (GRC) Theory which provides a more interpersonal perspective for understanding how masculinity affects men and those around them. This theory refers to the distress and relational problems that arise when masculine norms limit how men think, feel, or behave. ^1 4 

GRC focuses on how stress affects everyday life, specifically in emotions, relationships, and help-seeking. Its key point is how men still experience conflict even when they successfully conform to masculine norms. Accordingly, there is always some cost to conformity ¹.  

Some key patterns of Gender Role Conflict are ⁴ : 

• Restrictive Emotionality:men are taught to suppress emotions like fear and sadness, leading to difficulty identifying feelings, seeking help, and increased loneliness and relationship issues. 
• Restrictive Affectionate Behavior Between Men: masculine norms often discourage emotional closeness between men, limiting connection and leading to isolation. 
• Conflict Between Work/Success and Personal Life: prioritizing achievement over well-being can result in burnout. 
• Fear of Femininity: avoiding “feminine” behaviors or interestes reinforces emotional suppression and decreases personal growth. 

These patterns highlight the dilemma men face, as they are rewarded socially for appearing independent and strong, yet those same traits can cause problems  with emotional health and connection. ^2 4   Research suggests that help-avoidance is not denial or lack of awareness, but instead a learned masculine behavior embedded in identity, making help-seeking feel like a threat to one’s status. ¹  

How Masculine Norms Affect Women & What Women Wish Men Knew

Traditional masculinity is not only a set of “rules” for how men are to be masculine, but also how not to be feminine, and is often linked to the devaluation of femininity. ⁵ This dynamic can create rigid roles in friendships and relationships between men and women both at and outside of work. This dynamic often leads to unequal power structure, lack of communication, emotional strain, and higher levels of unrealistic expectations set upon women.  

Masculinity isn’t only about men’s roles, but also about women’s roles. From an early age, women, like men, are socialized and expected to conform to their assigned roles. Attributes such as nurturing, caring, empathetic, gentle, and conflict resolution are deferred to as more “feminine” traits. These traits are instilled at home, in school, and among peers and are eventually implicitly expected in adulthood. As women enter the professional world, these norms are also found in the workplace. Thus, even in professional environments that we think may be immune to the norms of society, women commonly approach their surroundings differently than men. For example, women are expected to multitask more than men, which is culturally driven by the disproportionate responsibility for household management. ⁶  Because of these societal expectations, women frequently get burnt out at higher rates than men. ⁶ This points back to the systemic inequalities that have been built by our society. 

Women also must approach their surroundings, even in professional settings, with more caution and awareness, because women’s expectations for safety and respect differ from men. Many women will alter their behaviors, emotions, interactions, and decisions to gain respect or be taken seriously among their men colleagues. Daily decisions and actions such as where to sit in a meeting or classroom, how to respond to comments, boosting team morale, defusing conflict, managing office cleanliness, or how to navigate professional relationships are influenced by an underlying need to cater to the norms placed upon them. These behaviors and expectations are due to the combination of men and women’s socialization in a predominantly patriarchal society – a social structure where men hold primary power, dominating positions of leadership, moral authority, and property control. These ongoing assessments of potential risks often form women’s educational and professional experiences, spotlighting that personal security in these settings cannot always be guaranteed.  

Rethinking Masculinity: What Men Gain When They Let Go

Letting go of restrictive masculine expectations does not mean abandoning masculinity; it means explaining and understanding it in new ways. Despite GRIP's pervasive narrative in society, masculinity is not defined by emotional detachment or being the “rock.”  When following traditional masculine norms, men often derive their sense of self from these norms rather than delving into their authentic selves. When men allow themselves emotional openness, the GRSP and GRC theories demonstrate benefits such as stronger friendships, healthier romantic relationships, improved mental health, and a stronger sense of self. ^1 2 

Men are not inherently resistant to emotional connection or expression – as boys, many of them are highly emotional and expressive – instead, they are trained and indoctrinated to see vulnerability as a loss of power. ² Reframing vulnerability as strength allows masculinity to become a source of connection instead of isolation.  

Healthier masculinity benefits every one of us, and it creates a culture where people feel safer, more connected, and more understood.  

On college campuses, masculine norms are part of what shapes help-seeking, peer relationships, and workplace culture. Men are consistently less likely to seek mental health support, often due to identity related fears of appearing weak or incompetent. ¹ 

Universities can respond by normalizing emotional expression and help-seeking for men, reframing as healthy and accepted. By creating spaces where less-traditional masculinity is accepted, not only men benefit, but so is the entire community.  

Weekly Resource Recommendations 

• Book: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love Discusses how patriarchy and masculinity impact men’s lives and is a guide for men of all ages and identities to understand and express their emotions.

• Video: Science Showcase: What does research on men and masculinity have to do with your work? This video featuring Dr. Joel Wong of Indiana University-Bloomington explains how masculinity or “maleness” affects human behavior and life. 

• Podcast/Video: Men, masculinity, and mental health, with Ronald F. Levant, EdD Learn more about how cultural expectation of masculinity affect men’s mental and physical health, how our ideas of masculinity have changed, and how psychologists have learned to better reach men.